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Last Laugh

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell. She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.

“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”

“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

Thanks to Naomi for sending me this link. More jokes here.

Maxims of Archy

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

From the maxims of Archy by Don Marquis.

Overheard

On a bus in downtown San Francisco last week, a conversation between two European’s who obviously had no idea about US politics:

 “I hope the Americans elect Obama as their President and Sarah Palin as their Vice President.”

Scourge of spam

I had to disable the comments feature on the Blog as it has been targeted by spammers – am getting around 50 a day now - mostly offering Viagra substitutes.

Will be installing a newer version of WordPress this week and hopefully will be able to contain the scourge of spam.

Archy and Mehitabel.

I love poems like this-they remind me of literary nonsense of Spike Milligan and Edward Lear.

  •  
    •  
        the song of mehitabel
        By Don Marquis, in “archy and mehitabel,” 1927
  • this is the song of mehitabel
    of mehitabel the alley cat
    as i wrote you before boss
    mehitabel is a believer
    in the pythagorean
    theory of the transmigration
    of the soul and she claims
    that formerly her spirit
    was incarnated in the body
    of cleopatra
    that was a long time ago
    and one must not be
    surprised if mehitabel
    has forgotten some of her
    more regal manners
    i have had my ups and downs
    but wotthehell wotthehell
    yesterday sceptres and crowns
    fried oysters and velvet gowns
    and today i herd with bums
    but wotthehell wotthehell
    i wake the world from sleep
    as i caper and sing and leap
    when i sing my wild free tune
    wotthehell wotthehell
    under the blear eyed moon
    i am pelted with cast off shoon
    but wotthehell wotthehell
    do you think that i would change
    my present freedom to range
    for a castle or moated grange
    wotthehell wotthehell
    cage me and i d go frantic
    my life is so romantic
    capricious and corybantic
    and i m toujours gai toujours gai

    i know that i am bound
    for a journey down the sound
    in the midst of a refuse mound
    but wotthehell wotthehell
    oh i should worry and fret
    death and i will coquette
    there s a dance in the old dame yet
    toujours gai toujours gai

    i once was an innocent kit
    wotthehell wotthehell
    with a ribbon my neck to fit
    and bells tied onto it
    o wotthehell wotthehell
    but a maltese cat came by
    with a come hither look in his eye
    and a song that soared to the sky
    and wotthehell wotthehell
    and i followed adown the street
    the pad of his rhythmical feet
    o permit me again to repeat
    wotthehell wotthehell

    my youth i shall never forget
    but there s nothing i really regret
    wotthehell wotthehell
    there s a dance in the old dame yet
    toujours gai toujours gai
    the things that i had not ought to
    i do because i ve gotto
    wotthehell wotthehell
    and i end with my favorite motto
    toujours gai toujours gai

    boss sometimes i think
    that our friend mehitabel
    is a trifle too gay

    Thanks to Ian for sending me link to the site. I got hooked on to archy and mehitabel straightaway. Their engaging collection of light poetry and maxims can be found here.

…Dust to dust

Ever since I moved to Sydney my fight against dust seems never ending. The air here is dirty and I have found myself dusting my flat every other day. In spite of this I seem to find dust everywhere. Should I ignore it? Is life too short to fight dust?

Here’s an interesting poem by Rose Milligan. Perhaps Rose is correct and I need to stop obsessing over dust.

      Dust If You Must

      Dust if you must but wouldn’t it be better
      To paint a picture or write a letter,
      Bake a cake or plant a seed
      Ponder the difference between want and need.

      Dust if you must but there’s not much time
      With rivers to swim and mountains to climb
      Music to hear and books to read
      Friends to cherish and life to lead.

      Dust if you must but the world’s out here
      With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair,
      A flutter of snow, a shower of rain
      This day will come around again.

      Dust if you must but bear in mind
      Old age will come and it’s not kind
      And when you go and go you must
      You, yourself, will make more dust.

Happy Returns


© Chris Browne


“Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund.”
F.J. Raymond

Received a letter from the Tax Office today. My emotions go from a state of anxiety upon seeing the crest of the tax department’s envelope to a state of either joy if I get a refund or gloom if I owe the taxman any money. It was a refund and I am relieved.

Had an interesting conversation with my friend last evening about the psychology of tax refund. He argued that getting a large tax refund is a sign of poor money management and people should not be happy when they get a refund as it was their money ‘lent’ interest free to the government.

Do you agree? How do you feel when you do you tax returns?

Thoughts on Procrastination

Procrastination is often said to be the silent killer of creativity and productivity, both for the individual and for society as a whole. We have all heard the saying, ‘Do not put off until tomorrow what you can do today’, so why is it so easy to fall into the seductive trap of procrastination?

Looking back into the mists of time, one can learn that mankind has been afflicted with procrastination for at least as long as leprosy and diabetes!

Procrastination even has had martyrs, like Archimedes, one of the world’s most famous inventors who, when his life was threatened by invading Roman soldiers, chose the heroic path of procrastination. Rather than attend to the immediate necessity of escape, the great man delayed this task and told the soldiers to leave him alone until he had finished his calculation! Tragically, the Romans killed him on the spot.

Ironically, it might be argued that it was not barbarian hordes, but rather the spectre of procrastination that finally brought the Roman Empire to its knees. While we are uncertain whether Nero really fiddled (actually played the lyre) in theatre costume, while Rome burned in AD 64, it is well-known that the warning plume of smoke coming from Mount Vesuvius was conveniently ignored by the inhabitants of Pompeii and Herculaneum in AD 79. Perhaps the inhabitants thought they might leave the city…yes, after the gladiatorial games will be okay…Unfortunately the volcano had other ideas and the cities were destroyed by ash and mud.

Echoing the procrastination of the great Archimedes, Leonardo da Vinci of Renaissance Italy, the most universal genius of the past 500 years confessed on his deathbed to how he had wasted his talents in unfinished projects. It is clear that Leonardo embarked on hundreds of projects, but finished precious few, and some of his greatest masterpieces remain incomplete. It is said that genius is very close to insanity, but is it actually much closer to procrastination?

Would the world of classical music be the treasure it is today without a little procrastination? Who can forget Schubert’s Unfinished Symphony? And why did Mozart and Beethoven leave incomplete works? Was it a joke on future musicians, who still strive to fill in the missing passages, or really just a case of procrastination, when Wolfgang would rather go down to the billiards hall with his pals, or Beethoven was having one of his mood swings and decided ‘postpone’!

in 1936, Sir Winston Churchill leading the battle, not only against the spectre of fascism, but also fighting a second front against the menace of procrastination that threatened to overrun the free world. Churchill warned us that, ‘The era of procrastination, of half-measures, of soothing and baffling expedients, of delays is coming to a close. In its place we are entering a period of consequences’. The reality of the decade to come proved to be far more complex.

Our book The Art of Procrastination and Other Time Wasters’ Thoughts does not debate the perils (or otherwise) of procrastination. Rather we say, “Manana!” and revel in the colourful ways in which people procrastinate, discussing peculiar reasons one gives to avoid work and laugh at it.

We invite you to join us on our exploration of this fascinating subject. Please let us know how you procrastinate.

Kris and Ian.


As part of our writing for charity principles, we have committed to donate the entire proceeds of our royalties to a charity. We will update the details soon.

Excuses, excuses..

From Left-handed toons

I still drink around 6-7 regular cups of coffee every day. In the evenings I usually drink around three schooners of beer in my local (except when I am on call).

My excuse: Well, it’s not much.

How do you rationalise your habits?

Mindful Minda

We have another rescue cat in the office. Like Chike, Minda likes to hang around in front of the monitor ‘supervising’ my work. Yesterday, I guess he sensed my mood and fell asleep on the printer. I could not complete my paperwork at all :-) .

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a cat as your boss?



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