Archived entries for Books

Book Buying Frenzy

On my way back from the ophthalmologist today I decided to stop by at some bookshops in Paddington. I walked in with one book in mind but ended up buying several. Despite my severe eye infection I spent all afternoon browsing new books. I came back home with a huge purchase and was thrilled by the whole book shopping experience.

Here are my purchases:

1. Tom Cruise by Andrew Morton

2. Whatever You Think, think the opposite by Paul Arden

3. Born to Believe by Andrew Newberg and Mark Waldman

4. The Gift of Therapy by Irvin Yalom

5. New Thinking for the New Millennium by Edward de Bono

6. A Long Way Gone by Ishmael Beah

Can’t wait for the infection to subside so that I can get round to read them. What are you reading at the moment?

It’s all jolly good fun with the Sahibs!!

Dealings with Indian bureaucracy

Excerpts from the book Living and Working in India

Even before your trip to India begins, the first hurdle to cross is to obtain a visa. The forms are available online from the Indian Missions abroad and the process appears straight forward but it is not. On a busy day the Indian embassies and consulates has the atmosphere of a bustling Indian market, with plenty of pushing, shoving and shouting. It certainly pays to enter with plenty of patience and good humour. If you have not visited India before, then a trip to the Indian mission to apply for a visa may be your first real contact with Indian culture.

As such it is quite an experience and may give you your first inkling that the ‘real India’ is not quite what you had imagined from television programmes replete with sitar music, or a ‘curry’ with your mates on Friday night

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Be aware, that there are no standard visa application forms or procedure. Forms vary from embassy to embassy and from consulate to consulate. For example, Indian consulate in Sydney refuses to accept visa applications with application forms filled in from Indian High Commission in Canberra. At the Indian mission, you may be told to fill the forms in triplicate and then sent back rudely for flimsiest reasons such as photographs not being alike or of the same size or not having the exact amount in local currency for the visa.

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After arriving in India, you’ll have to go thorough a few more bureaucratic nightmares mainly with the local police. To a large extent, the police in India are a law unto themselves, and it is best to be very polite, respectful and appreciative. While India has an anti-corruption bureau, and Indian officials are required to swear oaths against bribery, some police officials (more likely the ones who have desk-jobs as clerks) may ask you to grease their palms. This suggestion may come in the form of, ‘I have helped you very much, haven’t I? You should give me some gift.’ Sometimes they may feel a little ashamed (or afraid of being caught) and if you ask how much, you may be told, ‘Just friendly,…….. friendly). It is best to take your company’s representative or a friend who speaks the local language and will know how much ‘bakhsheesh’ (bribe/tip) is required.

Nowadays bribes (which are not always asked for) should not be too high. Also, remember not to use the word, ‘bribe’, or bring up the subject. If the Indian police require anything, they will find a way of letting you know. In one case (while getting a visa extension) we remember being asked to walk outside the police station, take a folded piece of paper, place some money inside and bring it back to the counter. When a 100 Rupee note was not enough, a second trip outside, and a total bribe of 200 Rupees saved the day.

As we mentioned earlier, It is very important that you go for Police Registration accompanied by an Indian (preferably from your company’s Human Resources department) who speaks the local language. We noted this in the Southern Indian city of Bangalore where we observed that the police representative who dealt with foreign nationals could not speak a word of English!!!!

For complete details on visas to India, police registration, residence permit and Indian Immigration, see the Chapter ‘Immigration’ in Living and Working in India

The Book Helpdesk

This is hilarious and focuses on well known helpdesk issue. I love the bit where he compares the book to a scorll. Who knows, maybe people were apprehensive about books when they were first introduced.

The video was produced by the Norweigian Broadcasting Corporation (NRK) and an official version was uploaded by them on to the Youtube when it topped the most viewed chart. The video is in Norwegian with English subtitles.

Judging book covers

Book covers sadly play a very important role in success of a book. A well designed book cover is vital as customers usually spend less than ten seconds looking at the cover while browsing for books. It captures customer’s attention, prompts further reading of the blurb and purchase. The above two book covers were voted as top book covers for 2007 by the New York Times Book Design Review blog.

Below are some of my favourites.

and………..er….:-)

Let me know if you have any.

Nigerian literary agents

I came across this list of Nigerian literary agents on writers.net. Half of these are selling not literary services, but second hand mobile phones and laptops. And I do not think the remaining agents are motivated by a passion for good writing. If that were the case, they would have at least bothered to check the spelling and grammar of their text.

I wonder how much of an ‘advance reading fee’ would they ask for???

Where Ignorance is bliss.


From Private Eye

To my surprise, when I enquired about John Grisham’s “Christmas with the Kranks” book at Borders Castlereagh Street store last week, I was told that it is on display in the cooking section!!!!!! No one on the floor could give me the reason for this. All I could get from a bored bookstore assistant was “Well that’s where they’ve asked us to put it.” Back home in the UK, I remember Waterstones placing a book on refugees in the travel section!!!!

Wonder what qualifications you need to work in a bookstore these days?

Hurry burry, Me no worry!

Excerpts on Indian English from the book Living and Working in India

One of the factors which make India so attractive to foreigners and foreign businesses is the widespread use of the English language within the subcontinent. In fact, India has now edged in front of America as the country with the largest English-speaking population. However, Indian version of English is quite distinct from other varieties, such as British, American, Australian, or Caribbean English.

What is Indian English?
Indian English is a fascinating creative combination of old English expressions from colonial times, grammatical constructions and direct translations from the native speaker’s language, words borrowed from other colonial languages, and especially Indian languages such as Hindi, together with simplifications of English grammar that increase the user-friendliness of the language. You may even find yourself picking up some Indian words or expressions and using them when you go back home, as the British colonists did when they brought home the words, ‘bungalow, pyjamas, shampoo, chutney, pundit and chintz’, which became firmly lodged in the English language.

Rhyming Combinations…………………While British English has ‘mumbo-jumbo’ and ‘helter-skelter’, similar combinations occur in Indian English, to give a gentler feel to the sentence, so instead of being told that you have come to visit for too short a time, in India you may be told that this time you came in a ‘hurry-burry’ and next time you should stay for several days as a guest.

Lakhs and Crores.………………While the British and Americans tenaciously hold on to ‘miles’, in favour of ‘kilometres’, the Indians prefer ‘Lakhs’ (a hundred thousand) and ‘crores’ (ten million) to the closest western equivalents of thousands and millions, and will place a comma at the lakh or crore mark in a large number. For example, while the British would describe 50,678,954 as 50 million, 678 thousand, nine hundred and fifty four, an Indian might write 5,06,78,954 and call it 5 crores, 6 lakhs, seventy-eight thousand, nine hundred and fifty four.

Staying on the topic of arithmetic, an initial point of confusion between British and Indian English arises if an Indian says, for example, ’4 into 8′. To a Briton this might mean, 4 divided into 8 [written with a division bracket] (i.e. 8 divided by 4), with the answer, 2. However, to an Indian it means 4 multiplied by 8, with the answer, 32!

Differences in Vocabulary……………………………………………………………..’Roaming’ can be used to refer to a young lady undertaking social events such as shopping or watching a film at the cinema without her father’s knowldege or permission….. Indians use the American word, ‘movie’, rather than the British, ‘film’ for a show at the cinema. However, paradoxically, what a British person would call a ‘blue movie’ (i.e. an offensively explicit movie) would be called a ‘blue film’ in India. Incidentally, the word ‘cinema’ is not used, but instead, one goes to see a movie at the ‘theatre’. Moreover, if the film you want to see is sold out and you can only by tickets from touts, these are referred to as ‘black’ tickets, rather than ‘black market’ tickets in British English. These tickets are said to be bought ‘in black’.

In India the word ‘since’ can be used to mean ‘for’ when expressing a period of time. Examples of this usage are ‘I haven’t mailed you since a long time’ and ‘Since how long have you been in India?’.

While the British use a ‘ruler’ to measure an object’s length in centimetres or inches, Indians use a ‘scale’. For example, to ask, ‘Is there a ruler?’ in Indian English one might hear, ‘Scale is there?’. The word ‘rowdy’ is usually an adjective in British English, in Indian English it is commonly used as an adjectival noun to describe a trouble-causer or hooligan. ‘Kitty party’ is an expression used for a girls-only event, roughly corresponding to a British ‘coffee-morning’ or ‘girls’ night-out’.

Some of the words and expressions used in Indian English

Indian English ** Standard English
Britisher-Briton/British
Cover – Plastic bag
Advocate – Solicitor/Lawyer
Ragging – Bullying/Teasing
Eve-Teasing – Harassing women
Pulling (he is pulling me) – Making fun of (“pulling your leg”)
By walk – On foot
Brown sugar (He takes brown sugar) – Narcotic drugs
Hot drinks – Liquor
Current – Electricity
Hostel – Halls of residence
Thanking you – Thank you
Please do the needful – Please do what is required
Dress – Clothes
Purse – Wallet
Dickie – Boot (of a vehicle)
Double confirm – Re-confirm
A Himalayan blunder – A big mistake
Godown – A warehouse
Would-be - Fiance/fiancee
Pass out (My son passed out from college) – To graduate
Hotel (lets go out to a hotel for dinner) – Restaurant
Pre-pone (the meeting was pre-poned) – Bring it forward/advanced
‘Like anything’ (we were laughing like anything) – Very much

For further examples from this fascinating topic, see the Chapter ‘Indian English’ in Living and Working in India

The Indian Experience


I’m going to post on this blog a number of excerpts from my new book, Living and Working in India, which I co-authored with my best friend Ian Beadham. The book, a product of our visit to India in 2001, will ease the transition between Western and Indian cultures, giving a wealth of advice in terms of language, culture, lifestyle, education, health, housing, immigration, working practices and regulations.

Here’s one.
A typical Bollywood plot
At first, Indian movies may be a little difficult to appreciate, resembling western pantomimes and musicals as much as they do mainstream English language films. Often the characters’ qualities are well exaggerated, with sugary-sweet heroines, glaringly evil baddies and kindly mothers. Family values are paramount and typically a young man (who may be from a poor background) has to struggle to prove his worthiness for the hand of a girl whose rich parents disapprove of him. In the process Gods must be worshipped, villains must be vanquished, friendships and love triangles formed, and birthday parties may be held for children, with a sprinkling of funerals and weddings thrown in for good measure. The action may be set in a college, a historical setting, the criminal underworld of Bombay or an affluent western country, but the formula for a successful movie or ‘super-hit’ should not stray too far from these conventions. The one indispensable part of the equation is to include a number of catchy song-and-dance routines in the movie, with a beautiful heroine and a dashing hero (occasionally the hero may still sometimes be too old and overweight in a South Indian movie!).



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